you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
