I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
