seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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