well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
