end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
