I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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