She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
