I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
