i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize