I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she woke up with a sticky ear
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
