she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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