that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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