Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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