If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Shame is for Republicans.
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