I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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