did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
