If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i think i just lost a toe
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
