I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
