What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
