That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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