You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
