She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
