Your dad touched me again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
