I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
