In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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