Swine flu. Run for my life!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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