Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
