his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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