if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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