Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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