My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
