Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
