this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm really busy with my period
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