i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
