party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
