2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize