So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
