what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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