this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
