new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
