It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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