i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
