You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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