Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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