I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Shame is for Republicans.
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