just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize