I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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