Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
