Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize