I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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