so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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