i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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