i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
