im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
