...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
