I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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