I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
