Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
