Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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