i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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