Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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