after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
