I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
