it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
