Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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