My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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